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Keep your hands to yourself
I have logged 10 ,count em, 10 years working for an adult bookstore and I think I am more than qualified to offer some helpful tips to make your visit to these shops just a little more enjoyable. Please excuse any grammatical or spelling errors. It is a complete wast of time to become upset when I refuse to shake your hand after you exit the arcade. You just had anonymous sex with a man, woman, tranny, or you just got finished masturbating. Had you grabbed the key to the restroom and washed your hands I might just have considered it, otherwise I have no interest in touching you. You really have no reason to be offended at this one, just think about it for a moment.
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Working as a porn clerk for four years was a brilliant, outlandish adventure better than any Chuck Palahniuk novel. I watched sweet grannies try on sexy maid outfits in the dressing room; and newlywed couples traipse dreamily through the aisles in their wedding garb while selecting items for their honeymoon. I accepted countless soggy, butt-pocket dollars from truckers; made friends with porn stars, prostitutes, and the occasional police officer; and heard the sounds of a suburban dad getting serviced in the back room. During my porn-clerking tenure, I learned a lot about customer service, human sexuality, and human psychology. Porn shops and adult boutiques are similar to banks and credit unions: all kinds of people, from all walks of life, step through the door on a daily basis. I've gained a lot of insights -- a deep knowledge of porn's customer base just about every human being, at some time or another , empathy for the people working in adult shops, and a few rules of the road for the next time you stop in at a sex toy store, burlesque shop, or adult outfit anywhere, from coast to coast. These are sex toys, not socks! Stores will sometimes tape their items shut -- not only to prevent theft, but also to discourage unnecessary handling of items.
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